Monday, May 07, 2007

Adventure 19

Cricket and Page 3

The cricket stories and Page 3 (of the city supplement) are the only parts of the newspaper I read thoroughly. Then the idea struck me. There's a lot of similarity between Bangalore's glitterati and the Indian cricket team. Hence, I propose a Page 3 squad to tour the world along with the cricketers. Just dont ask why they need to go...they just do.




Note: You may ask, 'Why Bangalore's Page 3?"
I believe that the character of Bangalore's Page 3 is closest to that of Team India. Mumbai's well-oiled disciplined circuit is reminiscent of the current formidable Australian team. They have a great system in place that allows only the best to make the grade. Delhi's circuit is more like the South African team. Though they are aggressive and disciplined, they occasionally tend to choke, and never really threaten Mumbai. Also, factors other than merit (like the rank of the politician who paid to sleep with you) also affect selection occassionally.

Chief Selector
Waseem Khan - He has seen it all, through the unforgiving lens. He knows how to make the ugly look bad and the bad look good. Calm and disciplined like Dilip Vengsarkar, he shall accompany the squad as a talent scout.

Coach
Prasad Bidapa - Age hasn't dulled him. He is the big daddy of glamour. He taught Bangaloreans that you don't have to live in Mumbai or Delhi to be glamorous. He is known to get alon well with male, female and people of other genders as well. An ideal counterpart to India's new flamboyant cricketing coach, Ravi Shastri.

Technical coaches
Shreen Malani - She could teach the youngsters a thing or two about tenacity. Similar to Robin Singh in temperament, she has always believed that hard work can compensate for the lack of elegance.

Harish Bijoor
- He started off as a marketing manager, and helped sell everything from coffee beans to telephone booths. Like Venkatesh Prasad, whose metamorphosis into a coach is complete today, Harish successfully rebranded himself as a brand guru many years ago.

The Twelve-Member Squad
Rohit Barker (C) - The closest in temperament to our beloved captain Rahul Dravid. Has stuck to his guns for many, many years, and his perseverance is finally paying off. Today, he, along with wife Pashmeena, are a regular fixture on Page 3. Rohit is truly Mr. Dependable.

Harathi Reddy (VC) - An exciting talent, she has been consistently and aggressively been making her presence felt amongst the wine-tasting and art-loving circles in Bangalore. A perfect Page 3 analogue of the dashing Yuvraj Singh.

Raghu Mukherjee - A product of Malleswaram's famous Cyber gym, this former Mr. India is aggressive in temperament. Just like Robin Uthappa, who is known to hit the ball very hard when he sees it.

Carun Carumbaiah -
He is maturing fast, and seems to be cornering the best arm candies these days. was a sensation during the Halloween fever that swept through Bangalore late last year. Liable to be a bit inconsistent though, like Zaheer Khan.

Pavithra Halakatti -
Is always there, nmo matter who hosts the party. Reminds one of Ajit Agarkar.

Chippy Gangjee -
Once flamboyant, has now mellowed down, and is expected to play the role of senior mentor. Is senior to some of the coaches, like Sachin Tendulkar.

Rubi Chakravarty -
Everyone's favourite comedienne, but somehow always got overlooked for the big ones. Ramesh Powar anyone?

Priscilla Corner -
Once the darling of the yellow media, she somehow lost favour somewhere down the line. Has resurfaced now, in a more subdued avatar, reminiscent of Sourav Ganguly's third coming.

Rani Jeyraj -
Once a favourite with cricket captain Rahul Dravid, she lost her way as a model after her appearance in the Miss World Contest cost the Big B his dignity and fortune. However, she has resurfaced as a serious filmmaker, and deserves yet another chance. She goes on and on and on, like Anil Kumble.

Pashmeena Nowrozi-Barker - Long hair and seductive figure, she is the prettiest of them all...much like pretty-boy Dhoni.

Ranjit Narang -
Inconsistent but brilliant...the king of style. Brings back memories of VVS Laxman's elegance.

Pankaj Advani - Is an accomplished pocket-billiards player, and has been taking the Page 3 world by storm of late. Shows a lot of promise, like young batsman Manoj Tiwary.



Thursday, May 03, 2007

Adventure 18


B.Tech



The World Cup was a disaster. A big disaster. It was a torture to watch. Not because of Ajit Agarkar, but because of Srikkanth, Shankar, Ehsaan, and Loy. Also the dancing tiger going balle balle after every boundary made me switch over t0 Doordarshan.

Advertising is not what it was. And I lay the blame squarely on IITs. They created a myth that an engineering degree is the only route to happiness. Hence, perfectly intelligent youngsters wasted a lot of time chasing the holy grail. A few did make it. Some make it to the decent engineering colleges. Most make it to IT coaching centres.

The biggest casualty is the arts. Millions of TV viewers are made to endure Shankar Mahadevan singing "Mind and body heart and soul", and watching Yuvraj Singh morph into a tiger. There's just one solution. Introduce B.Tech degrees for every discipline. Just scrap the B.Sc, B.A., and B.Com degrees. The IITs realised that and introduced the B.Techs in physics and agriculture a long time ago. Here are a few of my suggestions:

B.Tech (English and Communications Engineering)
Addresses the current industrial demand for qualified English speakers and copywriters. Active industry-academia interaction is required to supply high-quality E&C engineers for the mass communication and the BPO sectors.

B.Tech (Social Science and Economic Engineering)
A specially designed course to train professionals in the socio-economic aspects of the burgeoning global economy. Students learn to maximise financial output of an enterprise by understanding the cultural nuances of their business partners.

B. Tech (Art)
A lot of artistic work (especially web design) is being done by former engineering students. The scientific aspect of art shall be taught here to ensure standardised quality artistic output.

Note: Many of these courses may also be offered as PGPs or MBAs to attract the those who have already wasted four years or more, studying one of the old economy engineering courses.